A Chanukah Star

Daron was a star - he sang his songs and danced his dances and impressed the pants off me as he performed beautifully, enthusastically in his Beth Am school play. I again patted myself on the back for having switched schools.

Did I mention that she dances?

Dorothy loves to dance, to pretty much anything but in particular she loves uncensored rap. Really really gets down.

She says 'hi' with so much enthusiasm. She, for some time now, waves her hands and says phew phew when we change a stinky diaper, She seems to say Ayyay for Ian and Aga for Daron and love to race their race cars. She loves her blankie which i gleefully forced on her about a month ago because my daughter needed one because i said so.

There's no place like home...

Dorothy hates day care. Won't eat. Won't sleep. Will cry. It is so sad. I am having a hard time with it - really hard time with it.

But the boys say this. I remembered recently that Ian hated school at the beginning and now is fine. He said yes, now it is fine. And Daron said - "you know- it is hard when you don't know the teachers names and stuff" and I remember. They are right.

So Grateful

Tonight I was there when L gave birth. It was amazing to be there for a delivery since I have had none but have three kids. But more amazing was the fascination with the vampire bats, bug sucking bed bugs on Animal Planet. More amazing was the question about whether I knew that we are punished for things we should have done but did not do. So confusing to me how L can get caught up in philosphical thoughts and beat herself up for something theoretical, yet make misguided moves each day.
So grateful all was well, amazing to witness another miracle - the baby (Dorona/Darona had a 9.9 on apgars.)

But also so blessed because she was alone and i have not ever been.

She didn't cry....

Rory had her first test day of day care - just a few hours. I left her with much trepidation - thinking she would be furious - we have never left her anywhere without us or the boys.

I returned two hours later and couldnt believe she was playing with a toy, crawling around and .... had not cried at all! Surely she didnt realize i wasnt there and I was thrilled, of course. Thrilled, really happy, reassured that when Lilia has her baby and Rory goes to daycare it will be fine. So glad she didnt break into tears missing me - stare through the window till I returned. Glad we didn't have need for me to scoop up a tearful baby with open arms. A happy baby - well adjusted- barely noticed i was gone. Just what a mother wants. Right?

Ian can read

He can read and read and read. Today he read a 30 page book about baseball with very little assistance. Watching him read soda bottles and commercials and signs cracks me up.
Today he read a book, then got dressed by himself (has been doing that for a long time) came down and sat with his feet up on the couch reading the scores from the football game.

Daron hides behind the couch....

and his hands and anything else when watching a scary movie or tv show (like Sponge Bob) - but he watches. So cute, the way he is now crouched behind the couch watching The Land Before Time.

Spinning Reader and Vowels

Somehow Ian seems to read books without looking at them. I do homework with him in a different room each night - sometimes sitting at a table, desk sometimes at a chair - with his feet on the ground. Try to mix it up after a long day.
Tonight we were in our room - on the floor as he spun and spun on the floor to and from the book - peeking and then somehow reading the words imprinted in his head as he flew away and close to me.

We have also been quizzing him for spelling tests. Tonight he forgot to put an E in help so I explained all words have vowels. I looked when he finished his test and the words were spelled correctly ... with Hebrew vowels decorating the letters bottoms.

Ian gets a lot of mail..

Ian often gets invitations and thank you notes and other mail and one day mail came from Yavneh for Daron. It was a request for money to sign him up for preschool. Normally Daron had been so excited about the possibility of Yavneh. Well when the papers arrived and I read the note to them. Daron, rather than looking pleased, looked exhasperated.' "Oh No! But then I have to work alllll day"
- clearly Ian's complaints about hating school and all the homework sunk in

Five Teeth

Five teeth, almost 20 lbs, finally not eating at night. Still super loud. The boys love her. Daron sometimes too much but we are truly blessed.

Library Day

Daron finally had library day at school. To his delight- it is the same day as Ian's library day. The night before- his teachers- Carly who is wonderful - told us that we must read the book to the kids and they must be prepared to speak about the book.

What does Daron come home with? A book entirely in Russian.
Fortunately Grannie Annie was on hand to make up a story to go with the pictures in the very long book from Russia.

School is worse than eggs....

First grade is a major adjustment. Ian actually does very well with his work and I am loving home work as it is individual time with him - and something i can relate to (as opposed to transformers) - but first grade apparently is no fun and they have to sit all day.

Truly it has been hard. Days later Ian admitted he had gotten lost in the building one day. I know the feeling of hating getting yelled at and I think he has discovered that as well.

So I told him Caleb had said school is worse than eggs. And he agrees.

"Mommy, I can't find my Nakwerst"

I got off the phone I was so excited that D seemed to be askign for a hotdog ... only to discover he was seeking his binoculars.

Mamom

That's my name

A third tooth

She's got another one. And saved her first ear infection for the first night of Yom Tov Sukkot but as mike said, it was her first time disrupting us.

- She loves to dance - bops her butt up and down and around to music as she stands leaning on something. She has also taken to pointing and conducting when she hears music.

- Standing, cruising its crazy.

- Still waking at night but the truth is I look forward to those moments. I miss every minute that passes.

Labor Day -

Took on new meaing. Labor - yes.

At 1am on Sunday night as I gave Mike a kiss while he held a flashlight and I held a nit comb with Ian wraped in a towel on the floor between us - I told Ian "If anyone ever asks you, this is love." And there was something special and sweet and I so appreciated having a husband who would hold the flashlight (and make and feed me waffles while I picked nits).

Labor day weeked involved my 102 fever, the Bronx Zoo, lice picking till 2am, the beach, 3 hours of sleep, work trade show emergency, heaps of laundry and lots of other fun activities. Labor of love.

No!

I think we could learn something from the boys. Daron’s favorite word is no and I think he is on to something. When you say simply “no” someone has to try to convince you, bribe you or otherwise. And usually when Daron says no, it makes me want him to do the thing even more. And generally no does not mean yes. And saying no doesn’t seem to make him feel badly at all.
I am 32 – you think I can learn to say no?

A tooth!

Last week, Dorothy got her first tooth. I think it was the first week of August - dont even know exactly! But one day lilia said "you know she got a tooth right?" and we had no idea!

We have crawling!!

Dorothy spent a weekend with Lijah and seems to have picked up on the fact that you have lift one arm at a time and ... off she goes! She is a total and complete budle of energy and picking up crawling pace very quickly. We all get a real kick out of watching her move and I am happy for her but fearful for all the transformers in her path. The best part is the huge drooly smile she beams with each "step" - so very proud of herself. (8/1)

The Army Crawl

She's been on all fours and rocking since we cheated and put her there. But now, she's doing the army crawl - pulling herself along the floor after transformer keys and lego peices.

Tiger Face

TImes have been a little tough for D lately. I worried tonight it was "middle child" syndrome -laughing along the way. He's been cranky, moody and maybe just typical for a 3 year old.

We went to Sesame place with Caleb's family and mom and Josh. Our first ride was the roller coaster which we assumed would be no big deal since you only needed ot be 3 to ride. Wow. I thought Daron might not speak again. Fortunately I've taken to holding him more, hugging and just bringing on the affection. It is sweet. And came in handy when he clung to me like a baby monkey with his eyes popping out like a fly's.

He had several breakdowns during the trip- usually a result of not understanding something fully - a complicated explanation or something that doesnt seem fair. But what did he want to do? What interested him to the point where he wanted to do it even though Ian did not?

Face painting. Sweet Daron who enjoys beautiful things and pretty colors had his face painted not just one day but two. First day he was a green monster and the second day - the most adorable tiger I've ever seen.

No texture concerns here. Just to fully support him - I had mine painted on Day 2. Maybe he did get some of my genes after all.

Toothless

We have a missing tooth! A few days ago Ian was brushing his teeth when I asked if I could wiggle the loose one. And there... behind the loose tooth was a wide, bumpy-ridged real tooth.

Last night Ian went to sleep talking about hose wiggly the loose tooth was. In the morning we woke up hearing Ian and Daron talking in the hallway. I heard Daron saying "its backing up - it looks like its backing up" in a concerned tone. Turned out the tooth was gone. It was truly a case of the lost tooth. We turned his room upside down but couldnt find it. I told him to check the toilet for a week.

But we did keep the fantasy alive. I have a really hard time with the tooth fairy story - I am not so comfortable lying to my smart kid. But imagine if I told him - and then asked him to lie to his friends. Or if I told him and he ruined this fantasy for his friends? In carpool today, Donny said she is tiny, someone said she is an angel. I am 90% sure Ian has significant doubt but he sees the rest of us going along. I dont really know how to deal with it but we have a hot wheels car sitting right here. What to do if he asks. I think I'll say I dont know.

And she sleeps..

We have had a few all night sleeps and last night was one of them. Cheers to that!

Loose Tooth!

Ian officially has a loose tooth. HIs slightly older friend Donny is already showing as much gums as Dorothy. I can't believe we are at that stage already.

And she's up....

For a week or so now, Rory has been rocking back and forth on all fours. Crawling is not far behind. The girl does. not. stop. moving. So we will surely be in trouble!

Josh and Hairy....

Josh and Harry - according to Daron are really Josh and Hairy.

Motherwear

Love Feed

Hm...mmm…Hm…mmm…Hm..mmm…
Like a pitter patter of raindrops.
Her singsong;
As tiny fingers tickle my palm,
In a rhythm of love,
A shared peaceful pattern.
Soft white cotton cradles a miraculous wonder.
A gift.
Unspoken conversation,
Feeding love,
A treasure.
Only we two,
Share.

Aliya and sunscreen

Mike asked Ian recently if he would want to move to Israel. A Kindergarden friend is making Aliyah with is family of three sisters and his parents. Ian said no. He didnt want to have to wear sunscreen every day.

Just a few days later, still discussing this friend, I asked him about moving to Israel. I wonder if we think if our children were to request it, we would be brave enough to consider it.

He actually told me he didnt want to die. We had explained that everyone goes to the army and for now, that was enough for him. He not only said that, but when I told him not until you are 18 - he said "that is just a kid" - and I simply didnt have it in me to argue. All I could muster wast that the point of the army was to defend the country and that it was very special.

Fabuwos Pancakes

"Fabuwos Pancakes" "Beoowtifuw Fwowers" and "Pwetty SIlver" - our sweet D notices the pretty things in life and takes time to smell the roses.

Two Fingers

Yet again, another sweet reminder that Dorothy is not a mini-me. She has taken to sucking on two fingers - ring and middle- and sometimes pointer - instead of her thumb! It is so cute and so great that she can comfort herself, but again I see she will be her own person.

Apricot Jam...

Dorothy's ears smell like apricot jam. Sweet smelling. Totally different smell than either boy. I know she is different than me because she is tall, she is big, she has big cheecks. But I also know I wouldnt smell like apricot jam. I love that and it startles me. To know, she looks so different and even smells different. She is from me, of me, but she is not a mini-me. I wonder who she will be.

No to Annaheim...

Without much trouble, I got out of a trip to Annaheim. The long discussed IDDBA trade show at the begining of June will be attended by Stephanie. In theory when Rory was just born I thought I would go. But who knew I would still be pumping/nursing and who knew I would feel I didnt want even one night - even one night of uninterupted sleep- without her.

Turns out if you mention your breasts as food to men... the conversation is pretty much over. I explained I couldnt be away for more than two days and due to some flight complications and shabbos- I am out of it. And thrilled.

Sleep...

Still not much going. When one sleeps, another wakes. It's all good- I even got into bed again this morning.

Permission Slip

We got a big wall calendar, hung it in the kitchen and really feel organized. It is amazing how simple and how easy it is now to keep up with birtheday parties, class trips and medicine doses. Did I say class trips?
Last week I signed permission slips for Ian to go to the Met Museum with his class. So when I saw the next paper in the stack I signed what I thought was a permission slip for a trip to Van Saun Park for Lag BaOmer.

A voicemail on my cellphone later that week clued me in. I had actually signed a paper volunteering to chaperone the trip. I didnt have the heart to pull out so off to Van Saun I went on Monday.

I watched Ian and his class enjoy the zoo - rode next to him on the carosuel and ate a picnic lunch.

And it was a real treat for me.

It turns out it was a permission slip afterall. Permission for me to have some fun in the sun.

The way I clean the bathroom...

It should be remembered that I clean the bathroom with a toothbrush in mouth. I clean the bathtub with my pants off ...on my way to the shower. Sweep the floor in a robe as I dry off. I am thrilled to have loaded the bathroom with cleaning supplies so I can clean this important room on my own - keeping it up on a regular basis.

Ghost Stories

Before Pesach we told D he would sleep with Ian. He said "A sleepover...! Yeah! We can tell ghost stories...." in his sing song excited voice

Daron doesnt like when we pull up his pants and underpants..

at the same time. His reason? "because then my penis will be in trouble."

Ian wants to be

a palentologist - i cant even spell it. That and a monster truck driver. And a dad.

She gigles..

mostly at the boys. To her they are the funniest thing. She's been giggling for a while but I may as well post late. Later better than never.

Pesach

We were home this year and it was great. We are grateful both sets of parents came at points and we got to stay home. Seders were fun actually. The second night we had the kids take the blocks out and pretend to be slaves and they had to keep building and building. Then every once in a while they would come ask Mike's dad (wearing a police play hat) if he would let their people go. As he said no they would throw plagues at him - frogs, blood etc. Then we got out sheer blue paper for them to walk through. Really was fun.

No more Blankie...

Who knew a younger brother could be such an inspiration? It is down with Blankie. No more blankie.

And the blankie..

Daron got a lot of my kudos today as I announced all over and made calls praising his pacilessness. I saw in his eyes, jealousy and determination mixed deeply with sadness and uncertainty of his own readiness to part with his blankie and thumb. Somehow I am not ready for him to be rid of his soother - although he is 2 plus years older than D.

He tried to come talk to me about how he was going to attempt it - he negotiates with himself. He had hidden it under his animal at the end of the bed. He was going to try. Or he would just fall asleep with it and then move it. Or ... what would "we" get if we do it....

As he tried to talk to me about it when I was gently putting Daron to sleep I tried to kindly tell him to go to his room - that I woudl talk to him about it in his room. That was his story and this was Darons. I said good night lovingly to D who bravely - yes, that is the word- he was very brave about this - and went in to Ian. I thought about telling him to go for it - but last night I had sat in the hallway for Daron, I read a book. I let him come out many times with no reproach. Another tisssue, another pee, a look at a book. Each time I first carried him, then walked him back to his room.. eventually just saying good night and then nothing at all as I looked in my book - so that he saw, I hoped, that I knew he could do it. I wanted to be able to do the same for him if he needed it. And mostly I was thinking... this is Daron's moment. A rare moment to shine alone.Maybe an only moment in forever to shine before Ian does, to beat him to something without that thing losing all meaning because of chronology. So oddly, I convinced Ian to wait for Shavuot. He readily, and very quickly agreed. Yes, Shavout. That's a good idea. And planted his thumb safely in his mouth, blankie in hand, eyes closing as I kissed my big boy good night.

No more Paci party

We told Daron we would have to get rid of his pacis before Pesach. It was true. And we said we could not buy new pacis for a boy his age. True too. But nonetheless I am exceedingly proud that our little boy slept last night with no paci and only 8-10 trips out to the hallway... and fine, since I assume only I will read this... one dose of Nyquil. He was coughing. I promise.

To record or not to record

3/31/07

When Ian was born I started a free template website for him and all of his wonderful developments. Every height, weight, giggle burp and many an emotion were recorded - only to dissapear forever when ivillage did something to the site. Never got it back. Hadn't printed it. Had thought all was safe online. It was really horrible, terribly frustrating - like stolen memories instead of lost memories.

So for Daron I did not record. How could I record for one when we had lost all for the other. I have general memories for each of who did what when but do know that those figures are not what matters.

And here we are again. Can we record these things for her? Only for her? But I gues if I do so online again - and take the same risk as the first time - since again this is a free forum and we all know that it wont last forever if it is free - I will feel free to record.

At just two months old, Dorothy was 12.12 oz, 23 1/2 inches long with a 38.9 head circum - whatever that means.

She started gooing, cooing and ahhing, ooing about a week ago - it is tons of fun to have a "conversation" with her, especially when she talks to the boys.

She started talking just about the same time she stopped pooping. Today is Sunday. She finally went today after a suppostory. Before today it had been since Friday. Not this past Friday but the one before. Happy, and hungry the whole 8,9 or 10 days. Maybe it is magic breastmilk.

I count gulps

- Dorothy was not napping well until we started wrapping her during the day and putting her down within 1 hour of waking. Now - great naps.

-I count gulps. I actually started counting not minutes of nursing but gulps. I now know that if she gulped 100-150 times she is good to go for three hours. Less than 50-60 gulps she will want to eat again sooner. It is sort of my way - like when I give her a bottle I know how many oz. This was my way to get some measure of regularlity. Time didnt help cuase she takes breaks and sometimes nurses faster than others.

- When she was 4-7 weeks I slept with her on my chest if it was after 5am. That was the rule. Before that - nurse or rock or she had to go back to the crib but from 5am I could have a little nap before the day started.

"My penis is too big"

Daron told me recently - requesting new underwear. And you know what? He wasn't wrong! So new underwear he got.

Getting High While Nursing...

Or really before nursing or pumping. Now mind you - I have never done a drug in my life so maybe I dont know what I am talking about - but a few minutes before let down - almost every time - I get this ridiculous gitty, happy, euphoric feeling. It lasts until let down and then I maintain that feeling until latch and at the begining. While nursing I am often slightly dizzy and feel super sleepy.

I know let down is coming when I am doing something stupid like standing at the post office and suddenly the world looks like a magical place and I want to hug everyone.

Rolling Rory

Mom babysat and promised she rolled. And then we saw it. Full rolling on Feb 4th from front to back.

Twin Towers and the Big Bang...

One day driving somwhere Ian looked out the window and told me he saw the twin towers. I asked where he heard about them and he told me it was when he went to the Empre State building with Mike. I made a mental note to ask what they had discussed and kept mum for the moment, feeling a very fleeting... but very deep sadness that one day he would know about terror.

Mike confirmed that at the ESB there was a video which featured the twin towers. THe begining of the film had some indication that they had not edited it out for reasons of preserving something.. but basically the message was that they had not yet edited the video. Little did "they" know the impact the twin towers would have on small children - I am guessing not just my own.

A week later on the way to the monster truck show we were watching the NYC skyline and Ian again, excitedly said that he saw the twin towers. He excited explained how they were built and that one had a pole on top and the other did not and on and on until Daron said he saw them too. We were speakign in soft tones in Hebrew in the front seat until Ian said "right mom?" again and again or something like that. To which I said "Um, I dont think they are there anymore." "Why not?" He asked. "Um... " (a word I tell clients never to use) ... "Well... I think they are building new ones ... right Daddy?" "Yes, the freedom towers." - he said.

"Yeah, they are building new ones that will be called the Freedom Towers" - I repeated - hoping to delay before the inevitable "why." - Which didn't come. Either he was satisfied to imagine what the new ones would look like or... he detected the sadness in our voices and left it at that.

... also on the way to Monster Jam (which was great fun again) - he said "Mommy, didn't Hashem create the sun."
"Yes"
"Then how come in the movie in the science museaum it said that first there were...(and here he continued with some very scientific chain of events involing particles and stars and floating - and I really didnt pay attention to the details of the quiestion as I realized..." he was asking me about the Big Bang.

"Well... I said and then asked Mike "Shamata mah hoo shoel?" - "Well - Hashem made all of that happen." "Oh" he said. ... for now.

Henry Hudson

Saba Josh took Ian to the museum during January vacation. On the way home he explained that they were driving over the HH on the GWB. Josh explained that Henry Hudson has discovered the river.
Ian asked why the people in the houses around the HH hadnt just looked out their windows where they would have seen the water.

Sleepless Bliss

i am not exhausted - people say I look great, my hair is lush etc. But the real secret is that even with 3am feedings that last in a way till the morning - I am getting more sleep than before the baby was born and it feels great. I am loving being home and upstairs however short it will be.

It's not gas

Dorothy is really smiling. We thought so in the hospital and yesterday - just one week after birth - we were totally certain. If you talk softly to her she looks you straight in the eye and gives a big old smile. She did it so often this morning that I took a picture. Our baby nurse Shanti said "do you smile when you have gas?" Thos are real smiles.

The big brothers

Ian and Daron stayed at Grannie Annie and Saba Josh's house on shabbos while Mike stayed with me in the hospital. Daron apparently was asked abot his new baby and he replied "yes, but he's a girl." -pretty funny.

We called Ian at school to tell him we had a baby - that it was a girl. "Oh" he said. He was pretty dissapointed - but he has been nothing short of fantastic and mature and fun and sweet and I hope that I can make sure he knows how proud I am of him as a big brother and how I miss the days when he was an infant even.

Dorothy Jenna has arrived...

Rory, Dory Dot Dorothy - whatever we call her she is home and healthy and happy. Dvorah Yaira was born 12.27 at 8:04 am. I was actually very relaxed once I had the spinal - for some reason the oxgyn in my nose was very comforting, helping me breathe. They found lots of adhesions but worked around them. Doc said my uterus was about 1/2 inch thick vs 1 3/4 inches but we were with 2 great doctors. Abdehlak was great and Rubenstein who he teams with were both fantastic and calm. Mike sat with his hand on my head and talked me through it - reminding me they were calm. I kept asking for the anestesiologist who was a fantastic bedside doc - Doctor Block - reassuring me everything was great every few minutes.

Recovery has been pretty good. The hostpial was as expected. I never remember much about the first day or two - but the first day back at home was rough. That night I turned extremely pale and started shaking in the bathroom - uncontrollably. Mike walked me to the bed and covered me and held me down while I shook until I slept. We have a nurse here so now I feel sort of silly having a nurse and Lilia but I have taken a nap each day and even am allowing meals from the shul. Not answering work emails.

I look forward to having more strangth at the end of the week to spend more time with Dorothy. I struggle with her name. I have to get comfortable witht eh fact that we named her and D after gram - I somehow feel guilty about it. - Like it takes something away from Daron to have done that.

I am nursing and pumping and it is going well. I had one horrible day at the hospital with much pain - shabbos. One of the lactation consultants - Dorothy was mean - yelling at me for including formula telling me I was starting the weaning process. Another one - Loise maybe - was unbelievable. She put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder and helped show me how to latch on and then said "would you like to stop now?" and I shook my head no. And she said "really? would you like to stop now, you have been nursing for 1 1/2 hours and are bleeding and sore. would you like to stop" and I said yes and cried and cried and she showed me how to pump withe the electric pump and told mike to give her a finger to suck and walk with her and then we fed her the ounce I pumped and then we were off and since then pumping and nursing thank god are pleasant experiences.

I must send thank you to Dr. A and R and Block and to this lactation consultant and a nurse named Patricia who was great.
We had the room just in front of the nurses station which was great.
I walked a lot around the halls althought sadly the new beautiful building doesnt let you look in to see the babies so I only saw the nursury once.
I miss Dorothy right now as she sleeps in he room with Chanty. I appreciate the help but look forward to being in charge:)